When Ron and I first listened to his diagnosis we were in shock. We had a lot to digest, Ron more than I – each assimilating the news according to our own personal considerations. A mere few weeks later, Ron took it upon himself to create a binder of information, initiate what processes he could, and even found the courage to fill out some forms except for his date of death. To this day, I do not know where he found the courage – all I know is it was an act of love and respect I never anticipated or envisioned – but that was Ron. He is an extraordinary man.
Because of Ron’s courage I dove into the form filling process. I thought I was doing so well. That is until I started getting phone calls to say that “you forgot to date your form”, “your forgot to sign your form”, “you dated the form for the wrong year” and so on and so on. Finally, I felt that I had mastered all the required documents and I could have a bit of a reprieve.
Not so, more forms – this time to do with my work. Forms, doctor appointments, forms, doctor appointments. It is a no wonder the grieving process takes time… we have to put grieving on hold to deal with legal and formal requirements. Then there is income tax. I have finally put all the documentation together to complete our 2010 tax. Pardon the pun but this weekend has been extremely taxing – more forms, Ron’s birthday, and Father’s day. I am at a loss for words to explain the pain and anguish I felt off and on these past four days. Tomorrow is a new day.
I know they say we should be careful what we wish for. I can honestly say that everyday I wish for Ron – his voice, his laugh, his gentle touch, his smile, his encouragement, his humour, his whole being.