Monday, August 8, 2011

I Promised

Before Ron moved on I gently looked him in the eye and without a tear I promised him that I would be OK.  He smilied and said, “I know you will.  I know you.”

Perhaps that is why I put myself into situations that are emotionally painful.  Example – going to Filberg Lodge near our anniversary date. Also being in the company of friends who are celebrating their anniversaries.  I have come to believe that if I go headstrong into this grieving process it will be quick and painless.  After all, I am Janice.  I will get through it.  I have learned over and over that it just doesn’t work that way.   

I have also come to a new understanding of why I had children.  They have been pivotal in getting me through the past week in Comox.  I spend a lot of time with son Stewart and his family and a lot of one on one time with daughter Meghan.  I also understand why a surviving spouse will migrate to their kids or grands.  No, I am not ready to move to Comox (no liveaboards allowed).  Truth is, I just do not know where I want to live.  Ta Daa is my home so where ever she is docked, I am home.

I am in Lund, BC.  Gateway to Desolation Sound.  Perhaps I am heading for more misery.  Ron and I have spent time in Desolation Sound and I will be revisiting some of our favourite spots.  I will also be visiting some new locations.  Get this; if I visit favourite locations I get teary because of memories we shared there.  If I visit new locations I get teary because Ron should be there to share the beauty, peace and adventure with me.  It is a no win situation so I just barrel through. 
I am fortunate on this trip to Desolation.  Some friends (three boats) are heading this way as I type.  We will meet up this afternoon and head for Tenedos Bay. 

Something funny happened last night.  I actually picked up the camera.  Not to record fun family times but to actually take photographs.  It felt good.  I felt at peace with it.  Maybe, just maybe, this is one more little step to being OK.  I promised, you know.

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