January 5, 2012

On this day I got up as usual.  Headed into work as usual.  Turned on my computer as usual.  Put my iPhone on the docking station as usual.  First one, then another.  Happy Birthday.  My daughter send me a text – a very happy and cheery birthday text.  A co-worker brought a little gift, a hug and birthday greetings.  Soon after I fell apart.

I had told myself when I arose in the morning that this was just another day.  Nothing special.  You see, if I pretended it was nothing, it was not my birthday I would get through it.  My strategy did not work. 

Having managed to pull myself together for the afternoon, after supper I headed to my boating course.  Little did I know that my friends at the course remembered and we celebrated with baby cupcakes and a few tears.  When I got home my daughter, in cahoots with my neighbours, had flowers delivered to the boat.  To all who shared your love, thank you.  I know in my heart and soul that Ron thanks you too.

Growing up my birthday was not a big deal and often forgotten.  My reason for acceptance is that it was so soon after Christmas and New Year celebrations.  Ron changed all of that.  The two of us would have a celebration of my choice and sometimes Ron’s choice.  When I turned 50 he took me to Disneyland.  By the time we got there he had Customs Officers singing Happy Birthday and flight attendants serving us free wine. 

I saved the card that Ron gave me last year.  I have read it over and over - the sentiment is eternal.  

The outside front shows a picture of two people walking hand in hand along a path.  Above the picture it reads:

My Wife…

Below the picture:

I can’t imagine

a more wonderful partner

than you to share

this life with…

Next page:

My friend…

Thank you

for letting me be me,

for loving me as I am,

and understanding me

So well…

Inside:

My love…

forever

and always

my heart belongs

to you (and he added in his pen) and you alone

Happy Birthday

Then he penned:

Janice words cannot say or express my feelings for you and how much I love you.  Nor can I attempt to express my thoughts and feelings as we move beyond today.  But we shall as it is us.  Happy Birthday to the woman of my dreams, my everything and my LOVE!

Now, always and forever

Ron xoxoxoxoxo

A New Year

Reluctantly, Winston and I drove away from Tofino.  We soon put  a smile on our faces knowing we are heading to the Comox Valley.  I have mentioned in an earlier post that I have a house that is undergoing renovations.  I will save that story for another post.  Heading to the Valley will allow me time with my family and the house renos.  More importantly this is where I am spending my first New Year’s Eve without Ron.  Let me digress.

The first New Year that Ron and I ever shared we played a game of crib.  This game of crib was a tradition for every year after.  The consequence of winning or losing  the game would last the entire year… until the next New Year game.  The winner could boast decision-making rights for one full year.  Let me clarify.  The winner did not make every decision just the ones where we could not make a decision; when we were unsure, hesitant, ambivalent, indecisive.  You get the picture.  Someone had to make a decision.  It came to rest on the winner’s shoulders.  The other could walk away and say ‘it’s your year, Honey”. 

We never kept track over the years how many Ron won or how many I won.  I will say that I used to tease Ron that it was clear when he won – the year we bought our first boat, the year we bought our second boat, the year we bought our third boat.  Again, you get the picture.  I never regretted Ron’s decisions.  I trusted him utterly and absolutely. 

Back to New Year’s Eve in the Comox Valley.  I had been working at the house all day, oblivious what day it was.  Off to Home Depot I go before heading to my sister’s for and evening of food and movies.  It was on the way to HD that I just out of the blue started sobbing.  I just realized how different this evening was going to be to the 15 previous New Year Eves.  I also knew that I had to pull it together before going to my sisters as the evening would have turned into a cry fest and that is the last thing I wanted or that Ron would have wanted. 

Once in Home Depot, I understood I was here for more than supplies.  Ron used to call Home Depot the happiest place on earth (next to Disney).  He would wonder the aisles marveled at all the items and wondering which ones he could possibly need.  

The people in HD must have wondered who the teary eyed woman was wandering the aisles.  I wept and I moseyed for a good half hour just looking but seeing nothing  It is amazing where you can find comfort -  Home Depot of all places.  I paid for my measly choice of supplies and made my way to a new New Year – albeit quiet – celebration. 

Happy New Year to all of you -   may it bring you health, happiness and dreams come true.