Monday, May 30, 2011

Brazen Avoidance

It is true.  I have been avoiding my own blog.  I can come up with excuse after excuse however, it boils down to one very painful reason - acknowledgment.  By going forward with this blog, I have to acknowledge a life going forward without Ron.  To best describe that feeling I am obliged to use words anguish, pain, agony, sorrow, joyless and grief. 

These words do not mean that I am in deep depression.  It simply means that I feel these emotions very deeply.  Sometimes I feel my body contorting as it is consumed by emotion.  At times I feel emotion rising from within,  other times it comes out of the blue.   Often it is uncontrollable.  Other times the emotion is short lived.  

It also does not mean that I have not smiled or laughed.  I have.  My kids and my friends have been truly supportive.  Never under estimate the power of a hug, the true meaning of a short phone call, email or text or the delight of an invite.

To quote the Norwegian proverb, "One wave at a time."  I will overcome.

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